


Supernatural Presents: Chicago

by bennyandthevamps



Category: Chicago (2002), Supernatural
Genre: Chicago AU, F/M, Minor Character Death, Minor Violence, Supernatural Ladies, musicals!
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-12-23
Updated: 2014-12-23
Packaged: 2018-03-03 00:23:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,827
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2831375
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bennyandthevamps/pseuds/bennyandthevamps
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Hello folks and welcome to our lovely show for tonight.  Here you will find murder, treachery, and the lovely ladies of Heaven, Hell, and Purgatory’s nastiest prison.</p><p>Our cast for tonight will be as follows:</p><p>Roxie Hart- Ruby<br/>Matron “Mama” Morton- Missouri Moseley<br/>Annie- Anna<br/>Velma Kelly- Abaddon<br/>Mary Sunshine- Atropos<br/>June- Pamela<br/>Billy Flynn- Meg<br/>Katalin the Hunyak- Amy Pond<br/>Mona- Lilith<br/>Amos Hart- Tessa<br/>Liz- Bela Talbot<br/>Go-to-Hell Kitty- Ava<br/>Master of Ceremonies- Eve<br/>Fred Casley- Sam Winchester<br/>DA Harrison- Naomi<br/>Sergeant Fogarty- Jodie Mills<br/>Judge- Veritas</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> A couple notes before we begin.  The Master of Ceremonies, or Eve, is present throughout the story.  When she can be heard by other characters she is given dialogue, but when she is representative of the ring leader of the show and the women's thoughts, her dialogue will be in italics.  The same goes for any singing, if it's heard it will be given dialogue, if it's not it will be given italics, like thoughts.
> 
> Now, how about we get started…

5,6,7,8!

The lights go up in a dimly lit dance club. Backstage managers and dance captains run amok, searching for the next act. “Keep the change Crowley,” Abaddon, the one and only Vaudeville Queen of Hell, yells back at her cab driver, “poor sap, he’s lucky teleportation messes with my hair or he’d be out of a job.”

“Abaddon, what are you doing, let’s go, you’re on in five! Where’s the Crossroad Girls? I thought you were gonna do your sister act tonight, the people love that show!” The worried dance captain runs Abaddon backstage while he looks around for the Crossroad Girls. They’re not actually sisters, but Abaddon likes to play the family card when it comes to her act, for some reason that brings in the big bucks. So it’s her and two low life demons, but tonight they’re no where to be found. “They’re not themselves tonight darling, I’ll do this act solo, shit time for me to shine!”

“And now, ladies and gentlemen, demons and otherwise, Hell’s hottest club, the Cage, is proud to present the sexiest show in the world. Three jazz babes moving as one. Abaddon and her sisters, the Crossroad Girls!” Eve, the Mother of All and Hell’s favorite ring leader, shouted over the audience as the stage lights silhouetted a lone figure rising up through a trapdoor on the floor of the stage. In the back stood one extremely eager demon, Ruby, who had been waiting for this performance all night.

“Come on babe why don’t we paint the town? And all that jazz,” Abaddon began to sing and dance, her act captivating the rowdy audience. All eyes were on her, she could feel the audience’s energy, and as she performed the final act of the night she could feel power surge through her. This is what she lived for, all the power that came with being the most famous act in all of Hell, Heaven, even Purgatory. She was the talk of every town, anything that wasn’t human knew her name, and she could get anything she wanted.

“Let’s go babe,” Sam tugged at Ruby’s waist. She was captivated by Abaddon’s performance and had been caught up in imagining herself on that very stage. Ruby, the vaudeville star! “But I didn’t even get to meet your friend, that manager guy…,”

“Don’t worry Ruby it’s all taken care of,” Sam said with a smirk. Sam Winchester was no good. Up on earth he was somewhat of a hunter, but he had taken to running with Ruby because she could get him what he needed. “You told him about me?” Ruby was hoping this little deal with Sam would shoot her to the big time. Lucifer was a big shot manager in Hell, and she was able to find the one stupid hunter who had a connection with him. “Yeah, kid. It’s all arranged,” Sam and Ruby left the club together, but little did he know that arrangement would be changing shortly.

“Find a flask we’re playing fast and loose and all that jazz,” someone was playing fast and loose all right, and that someone was our star Abaddon. The Crossroad Girls weren’t really simply ‘not feeling like themselves,’ oh no, they were long past that. Our starlet had found them making some unsavory deals with some unsavory hunters, and, well, let’s just say Hell’s saltiest cops had just arrived in the back of the club.

Ruby and Sam had arrived at a different joint, more specifically they had hopped a cab to Ruby’s place and things were getting pretty hot and heavy. “You’re a star kid, my little shooting star! You’re gonna go places, just as long as I’m getting what I want too.”

“Well you’re gonna be the one taking me places! I’ve got so many ideas…” Ruby and Sam had, consummated, their relationship long ago, and Ruby knew that Sam was in it for one thing sex. What could she say, the kid was desperate, but she didn’t care as long as she was going to be on top, well, in the showbiz scene anyway. “Jesus, I-I gotta go,” Sam jumped out of the bed and started putting his clothes back on, he was putting the new vial of blood he had just gotten from Ruby in his pocket when he felt her arms around his shoulders, “What’s the hurry? Tessa won’t be home until around midnight. Sammy? Sam? Don’t think I’m nagging you or anything, but I think it’s really time I meet Lucifer down at the Cage. Its been a while since you told him about me, I know because that same night he met Abaddon and her Crossroad Girls, and, well, look at her now! She’s gone and made a name for herself already. You’re not gonna go yet, are ya?”

“No I’m no one’s wife, but, oh, I love my life! And all that jazz! That jazz!” As our star Abaddon’s performance came to a close, so did the relationship of our…distressed, lovers.

“It’s getting late, and I gotta get back up top, ya know, if I get made down here that’s it, I’m dead meat.”

“I know, but I’ve got all these ideas, just stay for a little bit longer. I’ve been writing down all these acts as I think of them, and I really think some of them are good, and we could open a club. Out in Purgatory, no one’s got anything out there yet, we could open a club and you could run it and I could be the headliner, and you’d never get made ‘cos people would think you’re a big shot and you could have all the demon blood you want,” Ruby pulled him over thinking that this was what Sam wanted, just some blood, for God knows what, and some fame like her, but he shoved her across the room. “Get off!”

“What’s the idea?”

“Wake up kiddo, you’re never gonna have an act! Face it Ruby, you’re just a two bit show with skinny legs.”

“But you’ve got connections, Lucifer, and-and you said you could keep the hunters away from us ‘cos you’re a big shot up there too!”

“That’s my brother, I’m just a poor hunter looking to have a good time. I don’t know Lucifer, for all I know that guy’s just a sham anyway. I woulda said anything to get as much blood outta a demon as I did from you. We had some laughs, let’s just leave it at that.”

“Sam, you can’t do this to me! You were gonna make me a star! I’m no two-bit, you’ll see! I’m-I’m awesome!” Ruby reached for him one last time.

“You get off me! Touch me again and you’ll get what’s coming to ya, I don’t come down here unprepared!” Sam shoved Ruby, again, and that was all it took, she was mad now, and her rage would not subside soon. “Your wife will be home soon, that reaper chick, don’t get into anymore trouble and nobody needs to know about our little arrangement.”

“You’re a liar Sam!”

“Oh yeah, so what? I’m a hunter, what do you think we do?”

“You lied to me!

“That’s right sweetheart, and with all the money I made I’d do it again!”

“You son of a bitch!” Ruby reached into a dresser drawer and pulled out a gun. “You son of a bitch!” Bang. Bang. Bang. And that was that. Mister Sam Winchester was no more.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

As the night came to a close a record confession was being given in Hell. Something close to killing to confession in an hour, nobody in Hell is that honest, and that’s where Hell’s finest police force comes into action…finest being somewhat of an overstatement…

“Why did you get a murder weapon, and a gun at that, those wouldn’t do much for the creatures down here?” Sheriff Jodie Mills was brought downstairs for this special case. She was a special kind of sheriff, the kind that the somewhat honest angels trusted to help when cases got a little, fishy. A human hunter being shot and killed in Hell, well, that was definitely fishy. “Well, I keep it in my underwear drawer just in case there’s trouble, you know. The gun’s loaded with silver bullets that have devil’s traps carved into them, pretty handy for most of the ‘creatures’ that roam these halls.” Tessa, our assumed culprit, was Ruby’s wife. A young couple, Ruby was the brains of the operation. Tessa really only cared about one thing, and that was her work. It wasn’t easy being a reaper of souls, and she was gone most of the time anyway. “Well that’s just fine Tessa, if you could sign right here please.” For Hell sheriff Mills sure did have to get a lot of paper work signed…

“For you, gladly!”

“And make sure you don’t say that we beat you up or anything at the witness stand.”

“No ma’am, I’m giving myself up, surrendering at my own free will.”

“Well, you are indeed the murderer, this is quite the strange case however,” Naomi appeared behind sheriff Mills, keeping an eye out to ensure all the paperwork was filled out. The nastiest DA in any realm, Naomi was an angel fit for the position as a prison lawyer. You still gotta be fair, even demons have their rights. “Shooting a burglar ain’t murder! Why just last week jury sent a man-”

“I’m always grateful when demons know the law Ruby, now get him right down there. You too Ruby, have a seat. Okay, from the top Tessa.”

“Well, a reaper has got the right to protect her home and her loved one, right?”

“Of course she has.”

“Well, I come home from up top after a long day of collecting and I see him sneaking in through the window! And with my wife Ruby lying in bed waiting for me to come home, like, well, like an angel!”

“I wouldn’t go as far to say that, but I’m sure she was peaceful…is all of this true Ruby?”

“I’m telling you that’s the truth. My wife has nothing to do with it! She was sitting there waiting for me so peaceful, just reading a book, waiting for me to come home. Why, she didn’t even notice anything till I fired the first shot! She gets so into her novels. When I think of what could have happened if I had went out for pizza with Death instead of coming straight home, why, it makes me sick to even think about it!”

For her first number Miss Ruby would like to sing a song of loving devotion, dedicated to her wife, Tessa. You thought the Master of Ceremonies would miss out on this? Not a chance, she is the Mother of All after all.

“Sometime's I'm right, sometime’s I'm wrong, but she doesn't care, she’ll string along. She loves me so, that funny honey of mine. Sometime’s I'm down, sometime’s I'm up, but she follows ‘round like some droopy-eyed pup. She loves me so, that funny honey of mine.”

“Like I said, even though I shot him, he kept coming at me! So I had to keep pulling the trigger, again and again. He was a big man.”

“She ain't no sheik, that’s no great physique, and Lord knows she ain't got the smarts! Oh but look at that soul, I tell you the whole is a whole lot greater than the sum of her parts. And if you knew her like me I know you'd agree! What if the world slandered my name? Why she'd be right there taking the blame. She loves me so and it all suits me fine, that funny, sunny, honey  
wifey of mine.”

“And supppose if, well, suppose if he violated her or something? You know what I mean, violated?”

“Oh, yes, I know what you mean, no need for details Tessa.”

“Think how terrible it’d have been Naomi! It’s a good thing I got home from work when I did, I’m telling you that!”

“She loves me so, that funny honey of mine.”

“-I say, I’m telling you that!”

“Tessa, the name of the deceased is Sam Winchester.”

“Sam Winchester? How could he be a burglar? He’s a hunter from up top, why, he’d have to have access to a damn portal to get down here!”

“Lord knows she ain’t got the smarts.”

“Tessa, you told me he was the burglar? You mean to say he was dead when you got home?”

“She had him covered in a sheet! She told me this cock and bull story about a burglar, and I’d say I did it ‘cos I was sure to get off! More people will believe a reaper than any old demon you know? ‘Help me Tessa!’ she said, ‘It’s my Goddamn hour of need,’ she said!”

“Now she’s shot off her trap, I can’t stand that sap!”

“And I believed it, that cheap little tramp! She’s two timing me, huh? Well I’m through protecting her, she can get the angel blade for all I care!”

“Look at her go, rattin on me! With just one more brain, what a half-wit she’d be!”

“I’m up top working my ass off and she’s down here munching on bon-bons and tramping around like some Goddamn floosy! She thought she could pull the wool over my eyes, but I wasn’t born yesterday!”

“If they give me the blade, we’ll know who gave it a good shine!”

“I tell ya, there’s some things I can’t take, and this time she’s pushed me too far! I didn’t shoot him!”

“That scummy, crummy, dummmy, wifey of mine!”

“Boy what a sap I was!” At that Ruby ran forward, shoving Tessa in her chair. “You double crossser, you big blabber mouth! You promised you’d stick!”

“What are you talking about? You set me up Ruby!”

“Goddammit!” Ruby knew she was made, but she wasn’t about to be made without making a scene of her own. “You told me it was a burglar, and this whole time you’ve been jazzing!”

“You are a disloyal wife! Yes, it’s true, I shot him, but it was self-defense! He was trying to burgle me!” Naomi shot her a disproving look, she knew something, Ruby could tell, and boy was it something big. “From what I hear he’s burgled you three times a week for the last month. I’ve got the testimony from your neighbor right here. Your story doesn’t work Ruby. And try this on for size, Sam Winchester, he may be a lousy hunter, but he was hot in the black market, and guess what he was selling. Demon blood. Judging by your close connection, my best bet is that it was yours.”

“What?”

“Oh, yes. Did he forget to mention what he was taking your blood for?”

“That bastard! Yeah I killed him! And I would do it again!”

“Once was enough, looks like you’ll be flying downtown with me tonight.” The media crooks, which Hell was full of, swarmed Ruby and Tessa, each trying to get the big scoop of the night before the other. “A little smile over here, look this way, why’d you shoot him, look on over here, you’ve got such a beautiful face!” They yelled as Naomi grabbed Ruby’s arm. “Talk while you can, District Attorney Naomi says this is an angel blade case,” she said with a smirk.

“Angel blade?” Ruby stammered with a gulp.

“-I’m ready to go to the jury tomorrow. What a story, lying, bringing a human, a hunter no less, into Hell, murder, giving your blood to a hunter, having it sold on the black market! This case is priceless.”

“Wait a minute, what do you mean angel blade?”

“Not so confident anymore, are we?”

“Come on sweetie, just one shot, look over here, why’d you shoot him? I’m looking for the big headline!”

“Hey! What do you mean angel blade?” And with that Naomi took off, bringing Ruby to the biggest, baddest, prison in any realm, hidden in none other than the big city of Chicago.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ruby arrives at the prison and musical numbers full of murder ensue.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guess what's in this chapter? The Cell Block Tango! (woo!) Also the Kit is talking in Latin, and that Latin may or may not be fully translate-able (with google translate of course)

Naomi and Ruby touched down in a dimly lit, smoke filled room. They had just arrived at Chicago’s Cook County Jail, but not in a place that’s quite as well known. In a back room that looks just like a broom closet there lies a portal to a prison most humans will never hear of. The only way into that room is a special key, created by some of Heaven’s toughest angels. Yes ladies and gentlemen, behind that door and through that portal is where the nastiest criminals go, the ones humans could only dream of existing. Any monster, demon, angel, even criminally inclined psychics, come to this prison block. What the normal humans can’t take, well, they end up here. They’re brought in, in a number of ways, some caught by specially trained hunter cops, some by inter dimensional cabbies, and others brought straight out of Hell like our dear Ruby was. And now our Ruby sits in that smoke filled room, Naomi gone as soon as she arrived, waiting for something, someone rather, that even she could never have expected.

“All right ladies, you’ll each be assigned different blocks according to your crimes, cells will not be divided by species so start getting cozy knowing you might hate your neighbor. The matron’s on her way, so don’t get too comfy!” The werewolf snarled and showed her teeth with that line, and kept guard at the door while the prisoners waited for the matron. The other warden called her Madison, so Ruby assumed that was her name. Of course they would pick tough monsters to be wardens, the only thing that could kill her was a silver bullet, and it's not like you could make that out of a plastic spork.

“Hey, newbie, you ever had a matron before?” Ruby shook her head as she was startled out of her daze by the unwarranted question. “She’s fine…as long as you keep her happy…”

And now ladies and gentlemen, the keeper of the keys, the countess of the clink, the mistress of murderers’ row! Matron Mama Missouri!

“Ask any of the chickies in my pen, they’ll tell you I’m the biggest mother…hen. I love ‘em all and all of them love me, because the system works, the system called reciprocity!”

In walked an intimidating woman, not too old, but higher in years. Ruby could tell she was no demon, or angel for that matter, and she didn’t look like any monster Ruby recognized. “On your feet!” The warden yelled from across the room and the girls quickly stood up, this woman must be the matron, and for that title she must have some sort of power, just nothing too noticeable yet. The matron eyeballed the room, and then began to speak, “You might think I’m here to make your life a living Hell, or Purgatory for some of you, and, well, for those who enjoyed Hell you must think I’ll make it worse than being on the rack for all eternity. But this, ladies, this is not true.”

“There’s a lot of favors I’m prepared to do, you do one for Mama, she’ll do one for you!”

The matron looked at them with a soft face and smiled, “I’d like to be your friend, if you let me, so if there’s something that bothers you, or makes you unhappy in any way…don’t shoot your fat-ass mouth off to me ‘cos I won’t give a shit! Now move it out!” The matron made her point loud and clear, she was not to be trampled on. The sudden change of mood startled the girls and they quickly began to filter out of the smoky room.

“They say that life is tit for tat, and that’s the way I live. So I deserve a lot of tat for what I’ve got to give! Don’t you know that this hand, washes that one too, when you’re good to Mama, Mama’s good to you!”

The warden came up behind the girls and yelled, “Let’s go!” pushing Ruby forwards, right into the matron’s arms. It seemed the matron was waiting for her at the doorway. “You must be Ruby, ain’t you the pretty one! When I saw you in my visions you seemed nice looking, but you girls are always prettier in person!”

So that’s why she’s here, Ruby thought, a psychic prison matron. Great, these girls probably can’t get away with anything… “Thank you ma’am,” Ruby stammered, this woman may be human, but she was just as intimidating as any demon Ruby had ever met. “Oh, no, call me Mama. We gonna take care of you! Now, you’ll be habitatin' down in the East block, Murderers’ Row we call it.” Mama said this last part with a smirk, this end is where she did almost all of her work, her reciprocating as she liked to call it. The murderesses need all the help, and all the publicity, they can get, and there’s no one better to help with that, and to get what she wants out of the bargain from it, than a psychic.

“Oh, is that nicer? You know I don’t think I really belong in here. I didn’t actually do anything wrong…” Ruby had heard of this prison before, and she had heard stories about the famous criminals on the East block. Murder was always a juicy story down in Hell, especially murder with an exceptional twist. That’s what made these murderesses special. They didn’t just kill anybody. No one would care if all they did was kill someone, that happens all the time. No, these murderesses had to do something extraordinary with their murders to make it to the East block. Whether that something extra was who they killed, can’t have someone too important sleepin’ with the fishes, or some extra circumstance surrounding the murder, like our sweet Ruby who let a man into Hell and gave him her blood. These ladies were dangerous not only because they were killers, but because they went the extra mile with their kills.

“You don’t need to tell me honey, I ain’t never heard of a man gettin’ killed when he didn’t get just what was comin’ to him!” Mama began walking past the cells of women when one of the ladies called out to her. “Hey Mama, come here!” A lovely red headed demon was in the cell asking for Mama, and when Ruby turned to see who it was she got a sweet little surprise.

“Abaddon? You’re the Abaddon! You know, I was there that night! I was there the night you got arrested!” Ruby nearly shook with excitement, she was so close to Abaddon, Hell’s queen of vaudeville! Oh, if she could talk to her for just five minutes Ruby would be sure to rise to stardom, if she could get outta this dump that is.

“Yeah you and half of Hell kid, look at this Mama. An editorial announcing me in Hellbook magazine! ‘Not in memory to we recall so fiendish and horrible a quadruple homicide!’ Isn’t it great Mama!”

“Baby, you couldn’t buy that kind of publicity!”

“Couldn’t buy it? Well I guess I can keep this then…” with that Abaddon pulled an amulet out of her garter. It looked ancient, and maybe Egyptian…definitely priceless. A piece like that could only be found in museums and the pyramids. Ruby guessed it probably had something to do with helping Mama’s psychic abilities. At least now she knew what Mama meant when she said she wanted to be the girls’ friend, it came with a price tag.

“Nice try,” Mama grabbed the amulet from Abaddon’s hand and put it on, tucking it into her dreary gray prison uniform and out of sight. These matrons should really get new uniforms and take a fashion lesson from the prison girls, at least their dresses had some character… Ruby and Mama made their way down the hall lined with cells. They only stopped to finish the occasional transaction that Mama had waiting. Either she would slip something through the cell’s bars, or one of the girls would. This system sure did have its perks…

“If you want my gravy, pepper my ragout, spice it up for Mama, she’ll get hot for you! When they pass that basket, folks contribute too. You put in for Mama, she’ll put out for you. The folks atop the ladder are the ones the world adores, so boost me up my ladder, Kid and I'll boost you up yours. Let’s all stroke together like the Princeton crew, when you're strokin' Mama, Mama’s strokin' you. So what's the one conclusion I can bring this number to? When you’re good to Mama, Mama’s good to you!”

When they reached Ruby’s cell Mama opened it and smiled at Ruby. “Go on in, this is your new home.” Ruby went into the small dark cell. It was cramped with just a bed, sink, and small toilet. At least she didn’t have to use that. She noticed a newspaper on the bed and was grateful there would be something for her to do all night, demons don’t sleep, ya know? “Hey, Mama, um…it’s a little bit dark in here, and well, I’d like to read this newspaper tonight since I don’t sleep, ya know. Not that I’m complaining mind you,” Ruby remembered what Mama said about complaining, boy was she tough for a human, “but, you know…um…maybe if I could get a lamp or-” with that she was cut off by Madison banging her billy club against the bars. Mama slammed the cell shut and turned around. She gave no reply to Ruby, opting instead for her nightly goodbye to the girls, “Lights out ladies, I know some of you need sleep, and Lord knows I do. See you tomorrow.” With that all the lights in the halls went out and the cell block was completely dark.

Great, Ruby thought, now what am I supposed to do all night? Hours passed and Ruby began to day dream. As she passed by the other girls cells she got to know why they were in the prison and what they did. She particularly got to know six women’s stories. A couple of humans too dangerous to keep with the “regular” human prisoners, an angel, a kitsune who all the girls called The Kit (apparently she was the only kitsune they’ve ever had locked up in there, and all she spoke was nonsense, Ruby thought it sounded a lot like Latin), and a couple of very powerful demons one of which was the famous Abaddon Ruby looked up to so much.

As the night wore on Ruby’s thoughts got the better of her, the dripping of her sink and the night guards’ boots tapping out a beat that made her imagination run wild with the stories of the six murderesses she had heard of that day.

[Bela]  
Screams.

[Anna]  
Six.

[Pamela]  
Squish.

[Amy]  
Uh-uh.

[Abaddon]  
Eris.

[Lilith]   
Azazel!

And now the six merry murderesses from the supernatural sector of the Cook County Jail in their rendition of The Cell-Block Tango!

[Bela]  
Screams.

[Anna]  
Six.

[Pamela]  
Squish.

[Amy]  
Uh-uh.

[Abaddon]  
Eris.

[Lilith]   
Azazel!

[Bela]  
Screams.

[Anna]  
Six.

[Pamela]  
Squish.

[Amy]  
Uh-uh.

[Abaddon]  
Eris.

[Lilith]   
Azazel!

[All]  
He had it coming!  
He had it coming!  
He only had himself to blame!  
If you’d have been there,  
If you’d have seen it!

[Abaddon]  
I betcha you would have done the same!

[Bela]  
Screams.

[Anna]  
Six.

[Pamela]  
Squish.

[Amy]  
Uh-uh.

[Abaddon]  
Eris.

[Lilith]   
Azazel!

[Bela]  
Screams.

[Anna]  
Six.

[Pamela]  
Squish.

[Amy]  
Uh-uh.

[Abaddon]  
Eris.

[Lilith]   
Azazel!

[Bela]  
You know how people have these little habits that get you down? Like Dean. Dean liked to kill demons. No, not kill. Torture. So I come home this one day and I’m really irritated and I’m lookin’ for a little sympathy and there’s Dean, standin’ in the basement, drinkin’ a beer, and killin’. No, not killin’. Torturin’. So I said to him, I said, “Dean, you make that demon scream one more time…” and he did! So I took the shotgun off the wall and fired two warning shots…into his head.

 

[All]  
He had it coming!  
He had it coming!  
He only had himself to blame.  
If you’d have been there,  
If you’d have heard it!  
I betcha you would have done the same!

[Anna]  
I met Castiel from my garrison in heaven about two hundred years ago. He told me he was no leader, and I was a little rebellious, and we hit it off right away. We fell for each other, literally, and we started livin’ together. He’d go to work, he’d come home, I’d mix him a drink, we’d have dinner. And then I found out, “no leader” he told me? No leader my ass! Not only was he still and angel…oh no, he was leading six garrisons! Well they all had to go, you know? So that night when he came home from “work” I mixed him his drink, as usual. You know, some angels just can’t hold their holy oil!

[All]  
Hah! He had it coming / Screams, Six, Squish, Uh-Uh,  
He had it coming / Eris, Azazel!  
He took a flower   
In its prime  
And the he used it / Screams, Six, Squish, Uh-Uh,  
And he abused it / Eris, Azazel!   
It was a murder  
But not a crime!

[Pamela]  
Now, I’m standing in the kitchen carvin’ up some supplies for a few clients who needed a reading, minding my own business, and in storms my client Bobby in a red-eyed rage. “You been screwin’ me over,” he says. He was crazy and he kept on screamin’, “You been giving me fake readings!” and then he ran into my knife. He ran into my knife ten times.

[All]  
If you'd have been there  
If you'd have seen it  
I betcha you would have done the same!

[Amy, The Kit]  
Meus filius infirmabatur capharnaum. Hoc erat nam eo. Ego interfici populi, sed fuit nam meus natus. Dicunt dixerunt ego interfici maxius populi. Quod falsum est. In venatores sunt mendacibus. Dimitte ergo me. Ego sum a sanguine. Hoc fuit enim meus fili. Non faciam dignus mortuus. Venatores tu sceleratis, non sum nocens.

When she got to this part of her elaborate daydream, or night dream I guess, Ruby thought of what she asked The Kit earlier today. “I know you’re talkin’ nonsense, but I gotta ask, did ya do it?”  
“Uh-uh! Not guilty!”

[All]  
He had it coming  
He had it coming  
He only had himself to blame…

[Abaddon]  
My “sisters” the Crossroad Girls and I had this triple act, and some hunters travelled around with the girls. Now, I never said anything about it ‘cos I needed them, you see we did these 20 acrobatic tricks in a row, one, two, three, four, five…splits, spread eagles, back flips, flip flops, one right after the other. Well, this one night before the show the five of us arrived at the hotel Eris. They’re sittin’ in the room makin’ a few deals and havin’ a few laughs when they run out of supplies. So I go out to get some, I take good care of my girls, ya know? Well, I come back, open the door, and there’s the Crossroad Girls and their little hunters making deals too big for their britches. I was in such a state of shock I completely blacked out. I can’t remember a thing. It wasn’t until later, when I was washing the blood off my hands I even knew they were dead!

[Abaddon/The Girls]   
They had it coming  
They had it coming  
They had it coming all along.  
I didn't do it/ She didn’t do it   
But if I'd done it/ But if she’d done it  
How could you tell me that I was wrong?   
They had it coming  
They had it coming   
They had it coming  
They had it coming  
They had it coming  
All along/They took a flower  
I didn’t do it/In its prime  
But if I’d done it/And then they used it  
How could you tell me/And they abused it  
That I was wrong?/It was a murder, but not a crime!

[Lilith]  
I loved Azazel more than was possible for any demon. He was a real artistic type…good with a blade…a real cold blooded killer. But he was always trying to find himself. He’d go out every night lookin’ for himself, and along the way he found Jake, Andrew, Ansem, and Lily. I guess you could say we broke up because of artistic differences. He saw himself as alive, and I saw him dead!  
[All]  
The dirty bum, bum, bum, bum, bum  
The dirty bum, bum, bum, bum, bum  
They had it comin'  
They had it comin'  
They had it comin’  
All along  
'Cause if they used us  
And they abused us  
How could you tell us  
That we were wrong?  
He had it coming  
He had it coming  
He only had himself to blame.  
If you'd have been there,  
If you'd have seen it!  
I betcha you would have done the same!

[Bela]  
You make him scream one more time!

[Anna]  
No leader my ass.

[Pamela]  
Ten times!

[The Kit]  
Hoc fuit enim meus fili.

[Abaddon]  
Makin’ some unsavory deals.

[Lilith]  
Artistic differences.

[Bela]  
Screams.

[Anna]  
Six.

[Pamela]  
Squish.

[Amy]  
Uh-uh.

[Abaddon]  
Eris.

[Lilith]   
Azazel!

[Bela]  
Screams.

[Anna]  
Six.

[Pamela]  
Squish.

[Amy]  
Uh-uh.

[Abaddon]  
Eris.

[Lilith]   
Azazel!

The slamming of nearby cell bars roused Ruby from her oddly detailed, and very musical, day dream. She was going to have to get used to smuggling in flashlights or matches to her cell to fight the boredom of her sleepless dark nights.

The next day was laundry day, and the girls all went downstairs to get this week’s load done. For a prison these girls sure did wear a lot of clothes…Ruby spotted The Kit pressing a pretty pair of underwear across the room. Surely those couldn’t have been hers…

“Who belongs to them?” she turned to Pamela who was loading clothes in the machine next to her. “What’s it to you?” Pamela gave her a side-eye and went back to loading the machine. She could be real snarky when she wanted to. “Nothin’ I just heard they were Abaddon’s…”

“The Kit does all her laundry for her, a buck a week.” Bela was leaning against a dryer smoking a cigarette when she answered Ruby’s question. For a human she sure did smoke a lot…not as much as Abaddon, but those things will kill a human. Then again, maybe that was the point… Ruby grabbed the cart of freshly pressed towels and headed to the bathroom. If she was gonna be stuck in here might as well make it semi-enjoyable. “Fresh towels for the can.” Madison glared at her as she pushed the cart toward the bathroom. She grabbed a few towels and opened the door. “Make it quick,” Madison growled back. When Ruby got into the bathroom she could hear voices on the other side of the wall. She quickly recognized them as Mama and Abaddon’s, and she pulled the mirror out from the wall to get a better listen.

“I can take care of you! There's just a couple of things, hear me out on this. Now, Billy Flynn is set to travel on March 5th. March 7th, you could be acquitted. On March 8th, you know what Mama gonna do for you? Mama’s gonna put you back on the Vaudeville circuit!”

“So now you’re an agent too? Who do you even know down in Hell Mama, I know you’re a psychic, but geez…”

“Listen, until Mama bear installs a private line in your cell, yes thats right I’ll get you your damn demon bowl, all your calls are gonna go through me.”

“What kinda dough are we talkin’ about mama, cash, jewels?”

“You know, it's a crazy world. I mean, Gabriel is wearing rouge and playing Heaven’s Palace for $5,000 a week. What he wants with the money I don’t know, but that angel’s a funny one.”

“Yeah, and what about someone with real talent?”

“Well, I can talk to the boys over at the Cage, and due to your recent sensational activities they seem to think they can get you 2,500 souls.”

“2,500! The most me and the Crossroad Girls made was 350…”

“That’s what happens when you have the right representation.” Holy crap, 2,500 souls! Mama sure was makin’ big deals when it came to these girls, and Ruby was ready to get in on the action. The only problem was getting what Mama wanted. Since she was human she could ask for nearly anything, money, priceless artifacts, sometimes she even got special “gifts” from Hell. But Mama mostly asked for money, it’s pricey to be a human.

“You know what Mama, I always wanted to perform in Heaven’s Palace the most. Those schmucks need a good corrupting. You think you could get me that?”

“Heaven’s Palace? I don’t know, it’s gonna take another call, maybe a special favor or two.”

“How much is that gonna cost?”

“Come on Abby, you know how I feel about you! You’re like, family to me. Well, as close as family as a human and a demon could be. You’re like, a long lost soul-sister. I’ll do it for $50 bucks and another one of those amulets.”

“$50 bucks and an amulet for a phone call! You must get a lot of wrong numbers Mama!” With that Abaddon stormed out of the room she was in with Mama. She did not like to be played. Ruby made her way out of the bathroom just in time to stop Abaddon. She wanted to see if she couldn’t do a little schmoozing herself. “Oh, Miss Abaddon, I got your personals. Freshly pressed by yours truly!” Ruby pulled Abaddon’s “personals” out of the laundry cart, she had stolen them from The Kit’s pile when she wasn’t looking. Ruby needed this more than that monster did. Abaddon grabbed her underwear from Ruby and pulled a dollar bill out of her dress. “Oh, no, I don’t need that, it’s my pleasure! Hey listen, um, can I ask you something? You know that Naomi gal? She said that what I’ve done is an angel blade case, and that she’s prepared to ask for the maximum penalty.”

Abaddon rolled her eyes at Ruby. Great, Abaddon thought, another rookie looking for advice. I’m just glad they’re still looking for Cain so that I don’t have to worry about all this angel blade nonsense and I can spend my time smoothing Mama over, somehow I’ll get a deal to work out with her. “Yeah? So?”

“So, I'm scared! I sure would appreciate some advice, especially from someone I admire as much as you. See, since I can remember, I have wanted to be on the stage.”

“Really? What’s your talent? Washing and drying?”

“No! I danced in the chorus, well that was before I met my wife Tessa…”

“Look honey, you want some advice? Here it is, direct from me to you. Keep your paws off my underwear, okay?”

“Yeah, okay, thanks…” and with that Abaddon turned and headed down the hallway. She didn’t need some rookie puppy-dogging around her to get her laundry done, it was easy to pay off The Kit to do that for a buck a week.

“…for nothing.” Ruby sneered at Abaddon’s back. So much for being star-struck. “She’s something ain’t she?” Mama had appeared in the doorway behind Ruby, she must have seen the whole embarrassing incident. Well, if Ruby couldn’t make a deal with Abaddon, maybe making one with Mama wouldn’t be half bad. “I tell you, no matter how big she gets, she’s still as common as ever. I’d like to help you dearie.” Mama took Ruby by the shoulders and lead her to the room she was just speaking to Abaddon in. Hopefully the eavesdropping from earlier would pay off, Ruby didn’t know what to expect from Mama. “Take a load off. So, what do you figure on using for grounds?” Mama sat on the desk across from Ruby’s chair and lit a cigarette.

“What do you mean grounds?”

“Well, what are you gonna tell the jury? Even demons get a fair trial around here.”

“I just figured I’d tell them the truth.”

“The truth?” Mama raised her eyebrows at Ruby and leaned back in disbelief.

“Well, yeah.”

“That’s a one way ticket to the death house!” Mama held in a laugh as she leaned back in to speak to Ruby. She couldn’t believe her ears! Telling the truth in a court full of demons, that’s one way to get yourself killed!

“Holy Mother of All!”

“Relax. I mean, in this town, murder is a form of entertainment! Besides, in 470 years Cooke County’s special sector ain’t never gave the angel blade to a woman yet. So the odds are 470 to 1 they won’t make you a kebob.”

“I’ll be damned.”

“You already are! Now, what you need is Meg.”

“Who?”

“Meg. Only the best supernatural criminal lawyer in every realm imaginable. I’m tellin’ ya, what she don’t know about juries and women…”

“How do you get this ‘Meg’?”

“Well not by reflectin’ on your eternal damnation! First, you give me a hundred dollars and a special sort of ‘gift’ for me. Preferably supernatural, preferably expensive, but I’ll let you pick. Just nothing cursed, that’s a pain in the ass…”

“A hundred dollars? But you just…I mean, that and the ‘gift’, it seems pretty steep for a phone call.”

“Well she’s worth every cent. I mean, she’s never lost a case for a female client yet! And with a sweet little ass like yours, well let’s just say justice ain’t so blind in Chicago.”

“She’s never lost a case?”

“Never. Every girl in this place would kill to have Meg represent ‘em.” As Ruby walked back to her cell she began to think that maybe this Meg girl wasn’t such a bad idea after all…

“We want Meg. Give us Meg. We want Meg. M. E. Cant’ stop her. G. We’re all hers, she’s our kind of a gal, and oooo what luck, ‘cause here she is!”

Ladies and gentlemen, presenting the silver tongued princess of the courtroom, the one, the only…Meg!

“I don’t care about expensive things, brand new weapons without a ding, don’t mean a thing. All I care about is love! That’s what I’m here for! I don’t care for gainin’ brand new souls, toutin’ ‘em over red-hot coals don’t mean a thing, all I care about is love. All she cares about is love! Give me two, eyes of black, softly saying, don’t hold back, let me see her standin’ there and honest, mister, I’m a millionaire! I don’t care for any fine attire Lucifer might admire. No, no, not me, all I care about is love! All she cares about is love!”

When Ruby and the girls were all back in their cells a woman walked in. She was impeccably dressed and heading toward the spot where Abaddon was being interviewed by a flock of reporters. It had to be none other than the courtroom hot-shot, Meg. Dressed to the nines, she walked past the cells. “Good morning ladies!” Smiling and whistling she walked past The Kit. “Not guilty!”

“You keep tellin’ ‘em sweetheart!”

“Non faciam dignus mortuus!” Meg kept walking, ignoring The Kit’s cries. She sure was determined, Abaddon must be paying her a pretty penny…

“That’s what she’s here for!”

Meg made it over to where Abaddon was surrounded by reporters, all men except one confident and powerful woman. “Excuse me gentlemen. Miss Abaddon, do you remember anything at all about that night?” Abaddon sat confidently in the chair that had been set up for her, she loved the attention the press gave her, and she couldn’t resist being interviewed. “I passed out completely Miss Atropos, I can’t remember a thing. Only that I didn’t do it.” Atropos, shit, Ruby thought, who knew that one of the fates could be a high powered gossip columnist. Atropos, however, loved her job. She kept the order of things in line while also being paid a pretty penny to write for Hell’s hottest magazine. Life was good for fate. “Any idea who did it?”

“No, but my client is offering a substantial reward to anyone with information about this crime.” Meg interrupted the interview right before Abaddon could answer. She hated being interrupted, especially by something so unexpected. “How much is the reward Miss Abaddon?” Abaddon leaned in towards Meg, “I don’t know Meg, how much?”

“We’ll work it out after the trial. Now, if there are no more questions Miss Abaddon and I have a lot of work to do.” With that Abaddon and Meg rushed out of the room, followed by the stampede of reporters yelling at them, “One more question, one more question!”

Abaddon grabbed Meg by the arm, “What’s all this about a reward?” She was furious, this is not what they agreed upon. “Relax, awful dumb, reporters. They’ll write it up wrong and you can deny the whole thing later on.”

“All she cares about is love!”

Ruby waited for her chance to get Meg’s attention, this was her one shot at getting Meg to cover her case, she couldn’t miss the opportunity when it was right in front of her. “Miss Meg? I’m Ruby.”

“Who?”

“Mama talked to you about me.”

“Oh, yeah right, the cute one!”

“I, well, I was hoping that you might represent me…”

“You got $5,000?”

“That’s a lot of money! Mama didn’t say anything about $5,000…look here Miss Meg, I’m not very good at this sort of thing, but…maybe we could make some sort of arrangement between us? I can be an awfully good sport…” Ruby traced the fur collar on Meg’s jacket. Meg looked down at Ruby’s fingertips, grabbed her hand, and dropped it back inside her cell. “Good, you got that outta your system. Listen, you mean just one thing to me. Call me when you’ve got $5,000.” Meg turned on her heel and walked out of the prison.

“All she cares about is love! Show me long Raven hair, flowin’ down, ‘bout to there. When I see her runnin' free, keep your money, that's enough for me! I don't care for makin’ fancy deals or breakin’ any number of seals. No, no not me, all I care about is doin’ the guy in who’s pickin’ on you, twistin’ the wrist that’s turnin’ the screw! All I care about is love!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I had Bela kill Dean here but in chapter one it might’ve seemed like he was still alive when Sam was like “that’s my brother” when Ruby said he was a famous hunter. The way I see it is that Bela already killed Dean and Sam was impersonating him to trick Ruby. So hopefully that made sense and didn’t seem like a weird continuity error….anyways thanks for reading!

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading!


End file.
